Imagery - Real Description Techniques

The power of prose lies in the imagery. I know this instinctually, but putting it into practice without slipping into floridity is a tall task. I was reading something I wrote years ago. Lord, how it embarrasses me now. It’s so obvious that I was writing with a thesaurus at my hip. And I remember thinking how I was just the cat’s meow for being so creative. Are you there? Have you been there? I’m better now; I don’t pick up the thesaurus nearly as often. Simple is usually better.

But that still doesn’t help with how to get great imagery. I looked up imagery on wikipedia and it said “Imagery is any of the five senses (sight, touch, smell, hearing, and taste.)” Well that’s helpful, I thought, NOT! So I went hunting on the net (gotta love the net) for articles and examples of imagery. I found a lovely article by Stephen King on the subject, which you should really read it if you get the chance. But what I came away with after my search was be specific and be sense conscious. So let’s take a look at each of these aspects of creating imagery.

Drill down from this broad picture.

A city in a rainstorm.
A neighborhood.
A street corner.
A Time frame (Past/Present/Future)
Now for some questions…

Sight
What business or homes are on the corners?
Is there a bus stop?
Is there a mailbox?
Are the drains full of leaves?
Is the street flooding.
Is there anything colorful or drab?
Are there children outside?
Are there vehicles moving/sitting?
Are there potholes?
Are there oil-slicks making rainbows?
Is there one bright colored building in a sea of beige?
A rainbow?

Sound
Are there children playing?
Is there thunder?
Is the rain beating on corrugated metal?
Is it sheeting off an awning?
Are there sirens?
Are there car horns?
Is anyone dancing round a pole singing Singing In The Rain?
Cat meowing, scrabbling to come in?
Ratta-tat of rain hitting the (roof/sidewalk/whatever)

Smell
Ozone?
Decay?
Fresh rain smell?
Flowers?
Sewage?
Manure?
Wet dog (s)?
Diesel?
Smog?
Fire/Woodsmoke?

Taste
Is the rain full of chemicals and taste acrid on the tongue?
Fresh and clean?
Stagnant?
Sweet? Sour? Bitter? Salty?

Touch
Is it soft?
Hard?
Cold? Freezing?
Warm?
Burning?

These are only a few of thousands of details you could tap into. Now you could select the answers to any couple of questions in each category and have the beginnings to a great picture, great imagery.

The place with a dirt crossroads and a copse of alder trees on one corner and a tavern on another is very different than the one with asphalt roads and tightly packed row houses and a drug dealer on the corner.

There is purpose to this selection of details from your character’s POV, which is setting the tone and mood of your story or scene. For example in this sentence:

The rest [of the sky] had deepened into blueberry twilight with bright harsh points of starlight.

My characters were in what should be a romantic setting, but they’ve had a fight so when my POV character noticed the stars coming out (which under other, more normal, circumstances would be romantic) she sees them as being harsh points of light.

When I find an author I love, one of the things that hooks me is when they can build such a compelling picture and I slip into that headspace where I’m no longer seeing the words but a movie in my head, because the words are that evocative and that concrete and before I know it I’ve spent hours with their story. I love that.

Readers read to feel and the more vivid and engaging your descriptions, the more connected those descriptions are to your characters emotions, the more intense and satisfying the experience is for your reader. And isn’t that what it’s all about?

Conflict, Dilemma and Choice Oh My

Conflict part deux. So last month we talked about how to create conflict with the gap, and someone asked me if this was just away to setup obstacles (external conflict) to which I said …no. Internal conflict can be created through the gap as well as long as it forces the character to make a choice.

External conflicts deal with fixing something or overcoming something outside ourselves. Internal conflict is all about choice. And not just choice but a choice that insists we must give something up in its resolution.. Internal conflict is DILEMMA. And come in only two flavors. Choose between mutually exclusive goods or Choose between the lesser of two evils.

Now I point this out because it’s über important. Dilemmas are agony, angst inducing, shortcuts to people’s emotions. Read a great way to involve your reader. And while it seems like common sense, I don’t think it’s always obvious. People hate it when they don’t know what to do or when they have to give something up or when they must choose between to options that absolutely SUCK eggs.

Wait, wait, wait. I hear you cry. What about choosing between right and wrong, good and evil? Well, you choose right and good, don’t you? What kind of dilemma is that? None. It’s not question of dilemma at all; so for our storytelling purposes we’re going to ignore that option. The reader knows that the character is always going to choose the “right” or “good” from their own inner compass. “Imagine Atilla, King of the Huns, poised on the borders of fifth century Europe, surveying his hordes and asking himself: ‘Should I invade, murder, rape, plunder and lay waste…or should I just go home?’ ”

Samples. I use popular movies for examples because most of us have seen these movies. Not all of us have read the same books. Okay one book, just cause it’s one of my faves.

Shrek: He must choose either protect his heart after a lifetime of rejection by everyone he’s ever met or risk that pain again and tell Princess Fiona he loves her and wants her to be with him, after being very nasty to her. Two mutually exclusive goods.

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon: Claire must choose between either staying in the past with the man she’s grown to love or going back to the future to her husband who she loves but does not know well. Two mutually exclusive goods.

Men In Black: J must choose between giving up his entire identity or working for an unheard of top secret enclave that would be very exciting and fulfilling. Two mutually exclusive goods.

Serenity (If you haven’t seen it, you should): Mal must choose between being hunted down and killed or traveling through cannibal territory to look for something that may not even exist but might save his ass. The lesser of two evils.

Alien: Ripley must choose between holding her wounded friend and shipmate in quarantine or letting him into the ship for medical treatment and risk the entire crew to exposure to a dangerous element.

Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest: Elizabeth Swan chooses between trapping Jack on the Pearl for the Kracken to eat or everybody dying in the attack. The lesser of two evils.

So tell me what dilemma does your Character’s face. What do you make them risk?

Making Intimacy Real

So, we've all seen the twelve steps of intimacy, right? We demonstrate how our character's romantic relationship moves from one physical level of intimacy to the next. If you haven't, Morgan Hawke has an in depth article on Making Romance Happen that lays it all out. And while the article is excellent, it's missing the emotional side of the equation, the when these steps should happen. So that's what I'm going to talk about today.

Let me tell you how I got here. Of the last 5 romance novels I've read, erotic or otherwise, guess how many had the hero and heroine getting emotionally tied up in knots over each other based on physical lust? Go on...guess. Yup, you got it, ALL 5. In one of them the infatuated couple had their first real conversation halfway through the book; I kid you not.

What is wrong with these authors? I might lust over someone because they have six-pack abs, maybe, but I certainly wouldn't hop in the sack with them or fancy myself in love with them. I don't know them. They might be dumber than a rock, or have a cruel streak a mile wide, or be allergic to my cat that I've had for 18 years.

How can you fall madly, deeply, in HEA love if you don't know what kind of integrity a person has? How do you know if you can TRUST that someone because he's big and brawny or she's narrow waisted with big gazumbas? The answer is you can't. You have to see the other person in action, in situations where their values are tested, or where you are getting to know each other. And trust me on this, this is the romance readers favorite part. They like these scenes even better than the sex scenes, these small moments of emotional intimacy that grow and make way for the physical intimacy.

But...but...but...I hear you cry, what are the levels of emotional intimacy how do I demonstrate them to my reader. Well aren't you glad I decided to blog today...cause I have the answer.

The 7 levels of emotional intimacy borrowed from Matthew Kelly.

The first level is the level of the cliche'.
We all know how this level goes. Hey, how are you? I'm fine. These are cliche's. Not a real question. Not a real answer. Courtesy.

The second level is the level of fact.
Now we know someone well enough to really ask and really answer. How are you? I have a cold and my sinus are killing me.

The third level is the level of opinion.
Now we know someone well enough to either seek or offer an opinion and find value in it. We care what they think. Does the this hat look good on me? I am reminded her of a scene in Gone with the Wind where Rhett brings Scarlett a new hat and she purposefully puts it on wrong. There was purpose to the scene outside of being cute. Scarlett tests Rhett. Does he think enough of me to not let me make a fool of myself.

The fourth level is the level of hope and dreams.
This is a very significant level of intimacy. This is the point where one might start feeling that love feeling. Think how freeing it is to be able to say :I fancy myself a writer." And how wonderful it is when your SO (significant other) says "Damn, straight you are." Or more how uncertain we feel when our loved one doesn't support our aspirations.

The fifth level is the level of feelings. This is, for many authors, the pinnacle of the relationship, that moment when the character let's their guard down in trust and says. I am vulnerable to you. I am reminded here of a description of love in a book I read when I was a kid. It said that when you truly loved someone you gave them the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else could. Think how much trust you must have in someone to say I am jealous of...I am sad because...I delighted because...I am...anything. Their words then could either lift you up or smash you like so much fine bone chine.

The sixth level is the level of faults, fears and failures.
You thought level five was it, didn't you? Nope. On this level of intimacy we must have courage. The fifth level might leave you vulnerable, but this level leaves you emotionally naked. Completely bare and defenseless. On this level, it's not enough to just admit that you have faults and fears and failures. Those are the duh factor. The part of this level that leaves you naked is that you must say. I have faults AND I need help. I am afraid, walk beside me in the darkness. There has been crap in my life AND I'm messed up, but I'm trying to do better. Celebrate my progress, expect my progress, remind me when I'm not being the person I want to be. That is a tall order to give and to live up to. And it requires even more trust that the person will hold these parts of you gently and not handle them or you roughly.

The seventh level is the level of legitimate needs.
In this level we look at the four aspects of living: the physical, the emotional, the intellectual and the spiritual. We each have needs in all these areas. The physical is the easiest to grasp. I think there are 6 or seven on maslow's list: air, food, water, shelter, warmth, sleep, sex. But the areas we have needs in as well when we trust completely we can share these with our loved one and they will support us because it's what we need. I need to be creative. I've chosen several aspects to express this need over my life, acting, dancing, writing. But the need is real and I couldn't be with anyone that didn't understand that. I can pursue what I need and be loved and appreciated for those. They make up who I am and it is the ultimate acceptance.

So get it straight. Lust is NOT enough to build a relationship on. Hard-bodies are great. Full, robust, dynamic relationships are better. This list is also great fodder for real relationship dynamics. I'm more than tired of the misunderstanding or the dearly held secret/painful past. Give me something real, substantial and most of all truly romantic.

Making Description Count

So one of the more insipid aspects of storytelling is description. Description of places are often, the room was big, it had a couch and a dozen tables with chairs and a band playing a waltz. Yawnsville. Or of people, the bellhop was old with gray hair bright blue eyes.

Now my question for you is what do these descriptions tell you about the observer? Nothing, not a cotton-picking thing. And that's the key to making description pop and be a worthwhile aspect of storytelling. How does it affect the character? So let me try this again.

criteria for description
1) There better be a reason. Description is like all other aspects of storytelling, if your character notices something, I guarantee you they've got an opinion about whatever drew their eye. Connected to this is, be mindful of your character's mental state, it affects what they notice.

2) Be as specific as the character can be if it's a rose and s/he knows that then say rose, if it's a peony and your character couldn't tell if it's a peony or a geranium or a for-get-me not, then say purple flower.

3) Don't try to cover everything in one paragraph of condensed let's-get-this-out-of-th- way, description. It's okay to, preferred even, sprinkle it in as you go. A person can notice maybe 2 or three details at a time. Especially, if there are tons of things to notice. I just did this experiment I glanced (maybe 5 seconds) at the shelf over my desk. I noticed the printer, the camera and three black metal mesh holders.

I did not notice in that the first glance that the largest mesh holder that sits behind the camera was empty or the picture that leans against the wall and has a purple border or the cable modem. Try that experiment yourself.

Example
The room was cavernous. Angie felt tiny and moved behind father a bit.

"It's okay, honey." He laid a big pa hand on her shoulders. "Why don't you go sit over there?" He pointed to a seating area in the middle of the lobby.

The couch looked extra comfy with a high round cushings and little blue pale flowers. Angie sprinted over and jumped and turned mid-air, landing swithk. The cushion wasn't soft, it itched the back of her thighs, but she bounced on it anyway.

The Worst Writing Sin

I need to vent. Let me preface this post with a disclaimer; this isn't sour grapes. At least not exactly. I'm not pubbed. I'm not ready to be pubbed. I'm not even ready to submit anything yet. But I'm a reader and I keep feeling like I'm being ripped off because an author has "potential."

How the frack do some people get pubbed? Not only pubbed, but loved. I've recently been reading two different authors, one well known, the other not so much...yet. But very similar errors showed up in their work. And this really worries me that this flimsy, crappy storytelling technique is becoming acceptable, or Divinity forbid, standard practice.

Authors and publishers make a pact with the reader that they are going to take care of them on a journey, that neither their time or their money will be wasted. To break it is criminal and ought to be met with public flogging with silly string and repeating the 2nd grade.

So what is this technique that has me riled? Can't you tell? I'm using it. I'm all angsty and confused and angry, but I'm not telling you what about. Cause obviously if I just come out and say it then you won't come with me. Won't believe me that this is a real problem. That it's worthy of being upset about. No it's so much better to dodge the issue. Not just from the other characters but from the POV character as well and there by the reader. Well, where the hell is the catharsis in that?

It's a tragic, warped and twisted version of Scarlett O'hara saying "I can't think about that now. I'll go mad if I do. I think about it tomorrow."

Except one huge difference, WE, THE AUDIENCE, knew 1) what was wrong and 2) her emotional states, She couldn't bear one more problem right then and that's fine because we knew why.

Internal conflict is fine, but for Gods' sake put it on the freaking stage, not just the angst but the freaking conflict the character is having. If your story is so flimsy that it evaporates when you put the conflicts on the stage then get better conflicts.

I want to worry for the character, but if you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't do that. And that's when the author and the publisher have broken their covenant with the reader. And it pisses me off.

The second commandment of writing is don't break faith with the reader.